So I’ve failed you. All my faithful readers. Which I’m sure is a total of one of you. If that. 
Back to my point, I did not get a chance over the holiday season to finish my retrospection on the last year.
And I’m leaving for Costa Rica… AGAIN. So this Series is on Hiatus until early January.
Sorry about that. 
At least you know how the series ends, right?
Searching for an Ordinary World…
January and February told a story of anger and spite, manning up and taking responsibility, finding faith and achieving the impossible.
January 8th, 2010. Start of a new year. As I walked off the plane, and took my first steps back onto American soil, I swore that this year would be different. That I would be different.
I had a car. That was a start. Next, I needed a place to live. So I did my homework. I visited every apartment complex I could find within twenty miles of my parents house. I needed to find a place that was cheap, relatively safe, and not too terribly far away from my school. Enter Normandy Apartments. $600 bucks a month for a single bedroom. Best price anywhere.
After doing some more homework, starting school… and literally doing homework, and taking out my first student loan, I was ready to move.
February 1st was to be move in day. So in the meantime, I studied (a little… I mean, c’mon, this is me we’re talking about), worked, and hung out with friends. Had my first kiss. Big deal I suppose. Life marches on.
Towards the end of January, two more major events transpired that altered my life. I attended my first LifeQuest meeting, and I got an email from Resolve Uganda. LifeQuest is a local organic church group in the Inland Empire. Very different approach to Christianity. LOVED it.
Resolve Uganda was an organization lobbying for a bill that dealt with stopping the longest running war in Africa. I had been involved with the issue before through an organization called Invisible Children. In fact I had gone and lobbied my own Senators and Congressman in Washington D.C. the summer before for this very bill. So I get an email from these folks, telling me that a Senator in Oklahoma has put a hold on our bill.
Without getting too far into the political nitty gritty, Senator Tom Coburn wanted to make a political example out of our bill. Make it into an issue dealing with the budget. This bill allocated a very small amount of money (at least as far as foreign relief goes), in order to stop the causes of this war from creating a new one out of its ashes. You know, open rehabilitation clinics for former child soliders. Thousands upon thousands of these children had been forced to fight in a rebel army called the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA). When they were abducted, many of these children were forced to commit acts of atrocity by their abductors such as killing and cannibalizing their own families.
So Resolve Uganda. They tell me in this email, that if I’m from Oklahoma, I need to write letters to my senator. I’m not from Oklahoma. So they tell me they’re having a rally in the capital city. I’m not from Oklahoma. So they tell me to come anyways.
As I’m sitting in Starbucks attempting to study one day, I get caught up in thinking about going. I think how badly I wish I could just go. How much I wish I could be one of those crazies. And I suddenly think two words that changed my life forerever. Why not?
Why not be one of those crazies? Why not go all the way to Oklahoma city for a cause that i would give up anything for? What was one singular good reason for not going? And I had nothing. So I talked to my friends. We would split gas. Drive straight there. Stay the night before the rally in a motel to get a little bit of R&R, and then leave right after the rally. It was crazy. It was insane. I was insane. What was I doing? I had no idea, except that I had undertaken the responsibility of getting myself and five other people to Oklahoma City. And BACK. All preferably in one piece. If possible.
I had never planned anything like this before. I had to figure out how we were getting there. Who’s car we would take. Who would go. What we would eat. How we would pay for gas. Where we would stay. Who would drive.
And just as the date was coming up, I went to a conference called Planet Wisdom. And what happened there, setup my life for massive change…
Ok, of all the songs you’re going to see in these posts, this one probably means the least. And that’s not an insult to this song, its a compliment to the others. This is a song about beginnings, and it does fit well for this period.
In 2009, on November 20th, one of my friends, Eric, from high school died in a car accident, when he was driving home from his school up north. This was one of the things that set me off. Just a couple months before, I had gotten my license and it was one of those wake up calls to drive safer. But it was also a lot more than that. It was a reminder on how short life is. At his funeral, people talked about how much Eric loved people. He was a cool guy that didn’t have any drama, and everybody loved him.
During this time I was in school, although I was definitely bored with it. One of my big issues was, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, and thus, I didn’t feel like I was making progress. I was borrowing my parents car when I could, but I needed to buy my own, quite desperately. I was frustrated with my lack of progress towards life I suppose.
November came and went, and I was worse for wear, but surviving. And as December crept up, I was still in a pretty volatile frame of mind. About halfway through the month, I got in a really bad fight with my dad. One of those fights that change everything. And so I decided that I was going to move out. I had no idea how I was going to do that, all I knew was that i was going to do it.
Several days later… after my parents convinced me to come back home at least for the time being, my dad gave me the car that I had been borrowing from my parents. An old Honda hatchback, ugly as all get out, but quite the reliable car as I found out.
And on December 27th, I left for a mission trip to Costa Rica, not having any idea what lay ahead of me, and leaving the rest of my life behind.
At 12:00 AM January 1st, 2010, I ushered in the new year at the mission house, overlooking the surrounding city. I had no idea that I had just set the tone for the entire next year. The craziness, the insanity, and the fact that I was about to do things I had never dreamed of, all were what I was unknowingly in store for. And I don’t regret a single moment of what was to follow.
So I neglect my blog. Constantly. But I’ve had an idea I’ve really been wanting to do, and thus it begins: A series of blogs on the last year of my life. There have been ups, downs, in-betweens, stories that I can only possibly describe to you by telling them, and others that I’ll never be able to describe.
I’m going to do a small series of blogs telling you about my life the last year. About the times I’ve gone through, the people I’ve met, and how difficult but immensely rewarding the last year has been. I’ve become an entirely new person, defining my self over and over again, and then going back and redefining my life, my identity, and the very person that I am.
Each blog is going to start with a song that I’ve found in the last year, that sums up the places I’ve gone through in life this last, and most important year of my life. Music means an incredible amount to me, and so these songs are very very special. I’d encourage you to listen to the song while reading. Or do whatever you want. Listen to the song, on your own terms. Do whatever works for you. And if by any means, my stories became stale or boring, stop reading. I find these reflections very important to me, and I’m doing this for my own benefit… as well as for the benefit of anyone who wants to listen.
And so with that the tale of my journey begins.
Ok. Quick collection of thoughts before I have to go into work.
“If you want to be perfect,” Jesus said to him, “go, sell your belongings and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.”When the young man heard that command, he went away grieving, because he had many possessions.
And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
Matthew 19:24
What are we called to give? Our hearts? Our minds? 10% of our income?
Or are we called to be as crazy as Jesus? To give up EVERYTHING and follow Him no matter the cost?
This is the cry of my heart.
Give me the strength to give up everything when you call for it Lord.
According to His will,
Jordan
(P.S. I’ll come back and collect more of my thoughts)
So you may or may not have ever heard about Invisible Children. Regardless, here is the situation. The Invisible Children Movement is made up of Tens of Thousands of young people who have decided to take a stand in the longest running war in Africa. 24 years ago, Joseph Kony started a rebel group called the Lord’s Resistance Army (or LRA) in Northern Uganda. Joseph Kony thinks he is the Messiah, and is the most dangerous kind of revolutionary, wanting to completely overthrow the government to set up his own theocracy. And he will stop at nothing to get there. Since he started his army, they have abducted over 30,000 children and forced them to become soldiers. They have killed countless more. Those of us involved in this movement are lending our voices to those children. We want to give voices to the voiceless, hope to the hopeless, and show people the unseen.
For the past 7 years, Invisible Children has raised tens of thousands of dollars to rebuild schools in Uganda, helped to end the night commuting of children, helped to send people home from the displacement camps, raised the awareness of the situation massively, and put pressure on the American government to do what they can. At Invisible Children’s last big awareness-raising event last April, over 78,000 young people slept in city parks, on the streets or wherever, until someone of major influence came out and pledged to do whatever they could to help with the cause. The most poignant example, being Chicago, where they were not rescued for a week. The person who did finally “rescue” them was Oprah Winfrey, and allowed the group to have several minutes of airtime on her show that day. The result of that event was a follow up lobby day in Washington D.C. This lobby day is the biggest lobby day for Africa to date. The bill that was being lobbied for is now ridiculously close to being passed. With 217 members of the house, and 62 Senators all co-sponsoring the bill, it clearly has enough support to pass. Because of the intricacies of American Politics however, Congress has other priorities, and this bill will never be able to come to a full vote on the floor. That would normally be alright because this bill is very uncontroversial, but Senator Coburn, or “Dr. No” as he is often times nicknamed, from Oklahoma is blocking the bill from being passed since it appropriates some money. For more information on the technicalities of why Senator Coburn’s vote is so necessary you can go to http://www.coburnsayyes.com/faq
The bill is, as was previously stated, is very uncontroversial, containing a requirement for President Obama to come up with a strategy to apprehend Joseph Kony, and a very minute amount of money for programs already in place in Uganda, to help with the problems caused by Kony, and to help apprehend him. The Ugandan government, and those governments around the area where Jospeh Kony is hiding out, are strong enough to stop Kony, but they need the help of the USA to pinpoint his location and provide other intelligent/logistic based assistance. We are NOT trying to get a invasion force sent to Africa.
After all of the progress and headway we have made with this bill, ONE man, this Dr. No, is willing to keep the longest running war in Africa going. As citizens of the United States, we are coming together, and saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH to Senator Coburn. What we need you to do is simply sign the petition here: http://www.coburnsayyes.com/sign-petition
You can learn more, or help out in other ways at these other websites as well if you have the time and are willing, but what is really important is that you sign the petition above.
http://www.coburnsayyes.com/take-action
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php
Thank you for your time, and if you could simply sign the petition and spread the word a little bit, you would be doing me, Invisible Children, and the Children that have been affected by this situation a huge service.
Ha ha, another sleepless night, another (and I only say this half serious, after all this post might be worth putting up) failure-bound attempt at writing. Haven’t been doing a lot of it lately. If at all. Anyways, to get back to the point of all this, you ever get into one of those grooves where your just kinda doing? Just going off to work another day, or just going to class for the ten-thousandth time. I guess, just going through the motions, bored with everything, or just whatever. Well yeah, that’s right now for me. Don’t feel tired at all, just got off work a couple hours ago, and pretending that there’s someone out there I’m writing to. Some unbeknown reader, who for some reason is interested in the trivial details of my life, and how I randomly can’t seem to sleep tonight, and have nothing better to do than whine to them.
Well loyal reader, I guess I’m just sick of everything, and don’t really know what I want besides change. Everytime I start to feeling like this I end up trying to write, and usually end up getting stuck on some political issue, or writing about my former church. I don’t have any idea how to put how I feel into words. As I’ve already said, I’m sick of everything and want change. What am I fed up with you ask? I have no idea. What kind of change do I want? Your guess is as good as mine. I suppose part of it is probably a frustration with feeling like everything is pointless, and I’m not making any sort of progress. I also strongly associate this feeling with slow, thoughtful, intellectual songs, usually by Jon Foreman, but there’s a few others. Oh, and the smell of starbucks at 630 am. Its not quite the smell of regular coffee, I don’ t quite know how to describe it.
Perhaps I lied. Maybe there’s a bunch of you loyal readers out there, laughing at my insanity. I just threw three seemingly unrelated things at you, and why? I don’t have any other ideas on how to explain this further, and I’m pretty sure ya’ll aren’t going to bombard me with answers (ha ha, I’m still pretending that actual people read this). I dunno. Its almost 4 am. Hopefully I tired myself out enough to go to sleep with this random blather.
So all right homies, signing off…
If I feel like this again tomorrow night, see you back here, around the same time (hopefully earlier, or maybe I won’t even be feeling like this), same place?
Hello all…
I said things were going to get scary, no?
Do you find my silence scary?
‘Cause if not, then I lied.
So I don’t know whats going down with this here blog. I’m gonna try to spend a little bit more time with it, and give my faithful readers (all three of you) a real blog post!
Crazy, I know, but I’m treading in some long forgotten waters here, with all these different posts telling you whats going on with this stupid blog.
Maybe if I stopped spending all this time for figuring out where this is gonna go, and just tried making a real post, then ya’ll will have something to actually read.
I don’t know, but what I do know is I finally took back the desk for my laptop, and reorganized a bunch of stuff on it. Maybe I’ll start using it a bit more…
By blogging…
Been thinking about some stuff and a couple of things happened today.
Every thursday, my school allows vendors to set up shop outside of the student union. Well today, I decided to look at the book vendor, and I found a book in the religion section that looked interesting. When I opened it up, the year it was published/printed was 1887!
After that and all the debate going on at my small group tonight, I’ve decided to use this blog, at least for the moment, as my “Notes on Philosophy”.
As soon as I finish this book (or perhaps while still reading it) I’ll post and talk a little bit about what’s going on in my head.
Warning: This might get a little scary.
EDIT:
Its been a while since I put up an update, and don’t have time to do so right now… But I swear I’m going to put up a real post this weekend…
Lord knows, I need to…
I think I can finally feel the light of a new day. As many of you have read in my blog, I’ve been going through some pretty tough things lately. Or rather, finally wrestling with these things that have been keeping me down for so long.
Earlier tonight I received a letter from my aunt via email, that has helped me see the hand of God in everything that has gone on. I’m not sure exactly what prompted me to write that blog post Sunday night, besides a gentle nudge from God.
Just a few moments ago, I realized what happened to me Sunday morning. I was a little bit distracted, and I now remember that we took Communion that morning. Whenever I take communion, its my belief that your heart needs to be in the right place. So this week, as hard as it was, I started openly praying to God. I haven’t prayed much for a while now, but this Sunday, I guess you could say I reached my breaking point spiritually. My prayer was simply “Let me feel you God. I can’t feel you. Let me feel your presence again.”
This past stretch of time, (and it definitely stretches out a ways back) has been almost a completely barren time for me spiritually. I just haven’t seemed able to get back in touch with God’s direction for my life, but I now feel his guiding hand in my life again.
I’ve been doing things my way for a while now, and its time for me to stop.
Since school started, I’ve been under attack vigorously. My doubts have been unwavering, and I began to question the very fundamentals of my faith.
Today that stops.
I can see the rising sun, and oh, is it glorious.
Despite my doubts, I’ve been wrestling with what God wants me to do with my future. There have been two major sides in this debate of mine, and I think God is finally telling me which side to choose.
Thank you Aunt Rachel. Whether or not you realize, God has spoken to me a great deal through the words you wrote to me just a few hours ago.
I think it may be appropriate to mention now, that I no longer plan on graduating from CSUSB. It’s a wonderful college, but I believe that God is guiding me down a different path.
I’m not sure where God is planning on sending me, but I look forward with an eager heart, and a willful spirit, to whatever he has in store for me.
I thank everyone for your words over the past few days, as I finally tackled one of my deepest issues.
~ Jordan Perl
